you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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