youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
