Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Randomize
