i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
