Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
