your room smells of hookers.
And success
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
