I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
