Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
