Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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