I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize