Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
