just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
