Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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