hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
