If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my shit smells like andre
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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