yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
