I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
