If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
