Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
