my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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