so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
