I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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