You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
