Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
