Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize