i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
