Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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