Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
