There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
