Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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