This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
