You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
