1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
