he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
