You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I cannot find my penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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