I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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