I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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