I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
