No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize