bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
