i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
