i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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