Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
