Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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