I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
