Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
