Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
