dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
