I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
