Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
