Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
