he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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