Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
