I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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