DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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