All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We got so high we made milksteak
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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