So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We smell like vodka and hangover
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