hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
