Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
