oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
