Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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