Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
