do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
