exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
