So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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