he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
