you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
one two three fourrrrnication!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
