are you still at the devil's house?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
