I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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