I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
