I am in a vortex of obligation.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The air was thick with penises
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
