It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
