; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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