You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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