it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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