you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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