Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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