It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
