thus making me awesome and them whores
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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