i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
