I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
