you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
