Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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