His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So much rum. So many feels.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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