Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
