we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
