Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
