Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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