We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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