is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
