I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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