I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
