sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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