Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize