I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
