It's like God shit irony all over that family
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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