This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
