I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
