Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
