You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize