i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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