White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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